I rolled out of bed very reluctantly this morning. Late winter is difficult for me. I know this year has been mild but February is still February. I’ve had quite enough of the barren trees, uncomfortable cold and shoes. As a result my morning interactions with Supportive Husband Guy and Crazy Lovable Children were less than gracious. Then, as I was hiding in my room trying to drown in my coffee instead of get my Crazy Lovable 7-1/2 year old out of the shower, I remembered the clip from Legally Blonde about endorphins.
It has been almost two week since I’ve had any regularity to my work outs and it was really taking more of a mental toll than I was prepared for when I caught this respiratory infection. I couldn’t stay in this place with this attitude; snarking at my family over what they want in their lunch. They are an awesome spirited crew and I love them way too much to give them the ugliest of me. So, I took my antibiotic, Zyrtec and all my supplements. I went upstairs and put on my yoga pants, a comfy t-shirt and my sneakers. I was going to the gym.
I may not have felt like going but the decision was not about what I wanted. It was about what my family needed. They need a wife and mother who is happy. I don’t mean happy in that creepy happy is the only acceptable emotion kind of happy that drips in-authenticity and high fructose corn syrup. I mean the kind of happy that comes from a deeper joy. If I had to find happy from endorphins in order to get back to happy from a deeper, warm glowing joy so be it I was going to steel some happy through my endorphins.
I felt so much better once I completed my 30 minute run. My pace was not what I need it to be in order to be competitive for the tri at the end of the month but I was going to be positive and not focus on the work that still needs to be done. I felt so good that I did a 15 minute bike ride. Cycling always returns my confidence. I am good at it. It’s familiar to my body and it is really mentally rewarding for me.
I am looking forward to this afternoon when my Crazy Lovable Children come home and tonight when Supportive Husband Guy gets home from work. I want to give them more than they got from me this morning. They are worth it. I am worth it. How do you go about finding the deeper joy that sustains? What are you tricks for reclaiming it or jump starting yourself from the fringes of darkness?
Keep chasing perfection, people. Eventually we’re going to Catch Excellence.